Morning Pages Entry – February 04, 2014

Well, trying to get back on the good track, and yesterday was a step in that direction. Played a bunch of squash, and didn’t eat any junk food for a change. It’s interesting, to see if there’s any creedence to go with my theory about needing other family members around for me to eat better. Like it’s a competition in my head to be the one that eats the good food . . . better than what anyone else eats. Poor sam, devoured a bag of potatoe chips last night, then felt crappy afterwards. Got to get her to think about how crappy she feels before she eats those potatoe chips. She must be feeling a little stressed out about things. Maybe because it was her first day of school yesterday with the new semester of classes. She didn’t seem all that happy about some of her teachers, or the kids that are in her class. Don’t know, if that’s just her dealing with a bunch of new stuff or what. I did manage to get to bed at a decent time last night. Didn’t right a single damn word on the novel, but I did eat right, exercised, played some video games and got to bed before midnight. That’s not totally bad, at least there was some healthy living going on in there. I do seem to be sabouteging myself, ever since I hit the new 3000+ word mark last Thursday. It’s either self saboutage, or a fear of success thing that’s getting the better of me. It’s like, if I can write that many words in one day, how can I possible repeat the thing again. I think the trick, would be to just do it everyday, until it becomes ordinary. Like the 30 day habit trick. It’s like now, there’s no big deal for me to write 750 words or so for my morning journals. Although, at the begining, it was kid of a big deal. I remember lying awake in bed early in the morning and late at night, planning what the next entries will be in my journal. Whereas now, I don’t even give it much of a thought before I start writing. Sometimes I think of a starting point before I start typing, but that’s more the exception then the rule these days. I sort of just ramble along until I get to my word count, then plug in a bunch of metadata at the end that I want to track. I am a little surprised, about the 1000 word thread I’ve been participating on in the “Writers Cafe” forum. I feel somewhat obligated to get my numbers in there, and feel horribly guilty, when I have no words to enter, or a crappy word count to enter. Like right now, when I have zero words for yesterday, and only 350 or so to enter for Friday. I mean, there’s really no reason for those kind of crappy word counts. It’s just sort of some lingering fears that I can’t shake that keep haunting me. I’m sure, I can defeat them. I just need to be a little more disciplined and write write write. I’m sure, if I can do the 1000+ or 3000+ words per day for 30 days in a row, the habit will become engrained. I just need to do the work. It will become commonplace after that, and I won’t even have to think about it. I do really need though to spend the time learning about how to be a better writer. Even though the very act of writing does help, I don’t think you can just ignore the helpful words and books of others who have gone before you in the writing game. Sometimes, you have to read a bunch of stuff, with a lot of it being just pure dreck, before you come across some gems that stick in your brain, and help you out. But, that’s true with a lot of things I suppose. Even a lot of the business plans I’ve been successful with in the past. Much of it came from just trying or looking at a lot of different things, and finally finding something that looked good to me. Something I would feel comfortable with, and that I could accomplish with the resources I had at my disposal. Much like today. I also just listed a bunch of my expiring domains for sale on GoDaddy for the first time. Should be interesting, to see how that turns out. Maybe domain flipping might work out for me.

LOCATION: home office WORDSWRITTEN: 0 PUSHUPS: 0 TODO: writing, squash league TV: greys anatomy BOOK: none GAME: The Last Of Us EXERCISE: squash WEIGHT: 176 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: half salmon burger patty SNACKS: orange, apple, grapes ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 12:00 AWAKE: 7:30

 

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