Morning Pages Entry – January 07, 2014

Well, here we are the second day after the official ending to Christmas vacation for the kids, and it seems they’re not going to school today either. Too Cold?!? Apparently, school was optional this morning or something, and they just stayed home. I find that a little bit annoying. One thing about the way I’m trying to work these days, is that I find I need my own space, and I don’t want to have anyone else in that space. Whether it’s people I love or not. So, having the kids home again, after basically 2 weeks of having kids home is really getting on my nerves. Damn it! I need my space, you people need to get out of my space, and leave me alone to figure things out, and get things done. Well, that’s my rant for the day, and there’s really nothing I can do about it, but carry on. These little negative things that occur in my life really get to me more than I think they should, and I’m not sure how to deal with them. I suppose, that Tony would have some way of dealing with them, but I haven’t come across it yet. I would like to just get them out of my head. Perhaps, putting them down on paper is the way to deal with it, I don’t know. But, one of the things I talked a bit about yesterday in my journal, was that I wanted these morning pages to be more than just a rambling brain dump of the previous day, or what was currently rattling around in my brain at the moment. It would make more sense, if I used them to summarize a few things I learned about from the Tony Robbins tapes, or from the “how to write” type books I’m reading at the moment. Well, I didn’t read the book yesterday, but I did listen to a tape yesterday, and I did do the exercises at the end of it. It was one of the more difficult exercises so far, and it was about your values, basically what you consider to be important in life, and how those values and beliefs make you the kind of person you are. Things like, love, health, success, freedom, intimacy, security, adventure, power, passion and comfort. You had to decide which of these or other states/values were important in your life. And you had to rank them, and you had to come up with rules in your life that are trying to help you get those values, and what rules may be making that difficult. I hadn’t really discovered any rules, as I think most of the states that I valued were ones that I had good rules to get me where I want to me, but I’m not there yet, so maybe I’m just not looking hard enough. I do believe I have some deep seated troubling rules about not being good enough to do this writing thing, which is holding me back. And, I really need to overcome those beliefs. All the logical approaches don’t seem to be getting me there, and I’m not sure what to do about that. It’s, like I need to surround myself in a better environment, that will nurture me to succeed. I’m not sure, if that environment, is just a different place, or different people, or what. But something different perhaps. Or maybe, it’s just in my mind, that the environment exists. I need to somehow block all the negative roadblocks that are keep me from fufilling my desires and go for it so to speak. Even if it’s just for a short period of time, say like 4 hours, that would allow me to write write write. That’s really all I need. I’m sure, that with practice, that within a four hour window, I could generate 5000 words, and if I did that everyday, then I would be well on my way to being where I want to me and having what I want to have. Both emotionally and physically. Whatever I wanted in terms of living life how I want to live my life could be achieved. I need to find a way to make that window happen. It’s only 4 hours, and the world would be mine. How to block everything else out of my head for that period of time, and just succeed in the way I want to. Four hours of noting but creatively writing sounds like heaven to me.

LOCATION: home office WORDS WRITTEN: 0 PUSHUPS: 25 TODO: weights workout, read, write, play TV: scrubs, dr who BOOK: none GAME: none EXERCISE: squash WEIGHT: 177 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: paleo pulled pork SNACKS: grapes, orange ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 11 pm AWAKE: 8 am

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