Writing for love, is the only way to go. I woke up this morning later then I had wanted to, because I stayed up too late last night surfing around stupid internet sites, that had nothing to do with the goals I wanted to achieve today, so as a result I’m off to a late start, and in a bit of a negative mood. Not a good way to start off the day … at least until I remind myself, that it’s all about the love. Your writing, because writing a novel, and neck deep surrounded by words and characters and a world you created is one of the best places I can ever want to be. It’s a surpressed dream, you’ve put on a back shelf, and one of the few reliable things in your life, that you know will never go away. I don’t know where exactly my desire to create imaginary places and people comes from, but I have a few theories. I think, the most likely has to stem from my unhappiness with the current world I live in (or perhaps the life I’ve chosen for myself in this world). And what was that life driven by? It’s not that I was any happier before the life I have now. Like, before I went to college, and before I got married and stuff. I think, that as a kid, I still had these intense feelings of wanting to be somewhere else all the time. Even back in elememtary school. Perhaps, because I never fit in all that well socially, it wasn’t a particularly happy place for me. I mean, it wasn’t really horrible or anything, probably no worse then it was for the majority of the population and kids I grew up in. Life can be hard after all. And, learning to deal with life and actually executing what you learn is a complicated task. So, why not escape into a fantasy world of your own creation. I remember reading a book when I was young, about being the last man standing, and thinking it was so cool. I can’t remember the name of it, but there was some sort of devestation, that wiped out pretty much everyone on the planet, and this guy was wandering around, doing whatever he wanted. I think, that’s where my fascination with dystopian stuff started. It’s about the opportunity to be able to do whatever you want, with no one telling you what to do, and without having to fit into someone else’s predefined social order. That’s really the attraction. And, perhaps the attraction of writing a dystopian novel as well. I get to define what is acceptable, I get to define the rules, I get to be in control. Control could be a part of it as well. I certainly like to be in control, but I don’t like to be controlled by others. And I definitely have an aversion to controlling those around me. It’s a bit of a condunrum to be in, but he, that’s just another one of those aspects of life that are hard to live with, and you just have to get good at it. So, here we go, back to thinking about writing … and my original topic, which is writing for love. Which, I believe is the only way to go. Sure, the novel may have zombies in it, but your writing, because you want to create a better world for your self to inhabit. Both while writing the novel, and in your real life world, because of the benefits from writing the novel. You want it in both places. But, I don’t think you can think about both worlds while your writing. Maybe while your living in the real world, you can think about the novel world, but not vice versa. Too many distracting little realities creep in and shatter the illusion. I like the way this morning journal is going write now. It’s sort of fun writing. This is the sort of stuff I need to put more of into the novel. The whole contemplating life stuff. But, I need to do it in an interesting way. Not a brain dump in pure narrative, but more interactively between my characters, or the events that are taking place. That would truly be fun writing, and perhaps that’s what they mean by finding my voice. Finding what it is that’s interesting for me in the story, and telling it in the most passionate way possible. A series of little contemplations on life as seen through the eyes of zombies and flawed heroes.

TIGERBLOOD: yep DAILYMOOD: good LOCATION: bayfield boat WORDSWRITTEN: none PUSHUPS: none TODO: write TV: vampire diaries BOOK: none GAME: none EXERCISE: paddle board 1 hour WEIGHT: 170 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: none SNACKS: orange, grapes, apple, lara bar ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 2:00 AWAKE: 8:30