Morning Pages Entry – June 01, 2014

Sometimes, you just need to breathe, and believe in what your doing. Believe, that if you stick with it long enough, and are patient with the people around you, that eventually things will fall into place, and get better. That’s what your always looking for isn’t it? Just for things to get better. They may not be perfect, and they may not be pretty, but as long as things get better, then there’s hope. Hope that you can one day achieve at least a modicum of your dreams. But yesterday, was one of those days when the limits really get pushed. And, sometimes, the people around you aren’t willing to make the changes and sacrifices required to make things better. And love it or leave it, your life is affected by the people around you. Yes, of course who I’m talking about here, is Karen. This whole30 thing is difficult for her, on a number of levels. First of all being of course, that she doesn’t want to change. She doesn’t think she has to change. She’s content to keep doing what she’s doing, and getting the same results. Her knees are messed up, and her doctor and the medical community aren’t willing to do anything at this point to fix her. This whole30 could be an opportunity for her to fix her knees to at least some degree. To at least perhaps lessen the pain and inflammation that’s right now making it difficult for her to even walk around the block. But, she doesn’t see it that way.[personal stuff edited out] To think, that I would want to control anyone is so absurd, it’s beyond words. I have absolutely to desire to control anyone in this life. I could care less what other people do. I do want the people around me, that I care about, to be happy and healthy and enjoy life. And, I’m willing to make sacrifices to make that happen. For me to have to do all the cooking, and all the shopping, is definitely not my first choice her. I’m finding this pretty stressful actually. Being responsible, for helping everyone to eat the right stuff according to the whole30, is not an easy thing. My first choice would have been for Karen to change what she shops for, and what she cooks. It would have been very willing to help, and guide, and do whatever else to make this happen, but I never wanted to be the one person responsible for everything. It’s hard to do this, when one person, is adamantly opposed to the whole thing, another person doesn’t really understand what is going on, and a third is into it, but doesn’t always make the right choices within the guidelines. Jennifer, is ideal in this whole thing. She understands what were trying to accomplish, and she already sort of eats the right way anyways. She gets it. Sam wants to, and sees the possibilities, and Jessica doesn’t truly understand, but is pretty good, about eating whatever you put in front of her. If we can just get through this first week, get some menus going, and get some shopping handed off to someone else, then it will get better. If Karen quits, then what do we do? Do we just keep going? I think, we have to. I think, I have to. If we stick with it, for the next 30 days, and do the program, and she sees benefit in what we’re doing, then maybe she would come around. It wouldn’t be ideal, and I really don’t want her to quite, but I’ve put too much effort into this so far, to give up at this point. It’s good for all of us to go through this, and I’m going to see it through to the bitter end. I haven’t found it that difficult for me so far. It’s only been a couple of days, but with the added extra good meal at the end of the day, I’ve managed not to any fruit for the first couple of days. I should probably eat some fruit as I go along, but it might be interesting, to go for a week, and see how you feel without the fruit. I do think, that it’s been one of the things, that’s been holding me back, from breaking through this 170 lbs barrier. I’ve been eating a bit too much fruit. We’ll see how today goes . . . one day at a time.

TIGERBLOOD: yep DAILYMOOD: happy – sad – frustrated – stressed LOCATION: home office WORDSWRITTEN: none PUSHUPS: none TODO: go to boat, TV: History of Hackers documentary BOOK: Miles Mutants & Microbes GAME: none EXERCISE: walked 1 hour WEIGHT: 171 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: meatloaf, asparagus with ghee & lemon SNACKS: none ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 12:00 AWAKE: 6:45

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