Sometimes, I think that being less serious and just proceeding with the task at had would be a real advantage. Right now, I seem so unfocused and worried about how good the writing will be, that I’m not getting anywhere with it at all. I haven’t added nearly enough as I had hoped in terms of word count to my existing novel, and it goes to the editor on Monday. Today is Friday, and I’m stuck going to another useless swim meet for Samantha and Jessica. And, we have to go today as Sam swims in the evening session. And, I have to deal with all those food shit for the whole30 thing that we are doing. It’s a serious pain in the ass, and it’s sucking up too much of my time. I need for my writing to me like oxygen. I need for it to be something I want to do more then anything. Right now, I’m scared of it. I’ve got to stop being scared of it, and just embrace it, like it’s a long lost friend. Just do the work, and make the stuff up. Make things happen, do the outlines, fill in the blanks, and write the gory details. How many times do I have to have these kinds of conversations with myself? I want so much for the first books to be out there, that it’s driving me crazy. I need to burst that bubble and make things start to happen. I need a little bit of that pressure from readers to entice me into writing more often. Other authors talk about how having excited readers motivates them. I’m really tired, of reading about the success of others, knowing I’m so close to putting something out there, and not having any of that success. I need to make this happen. It’s important to me. But, don’t make that importance so big, that it gets the better of you. You want this to be something you enjoy doing, and I think you can get there, a little bit at a time. So write, and write, and write. Stop worrying about it being perfect. Just do the best you can and move forward. If you don’t get the stuff out there, then you’ll never know what it could have been. The rewards are huge, and the potential is there. You just need to stop being so scared of it, and don’t worry about perfection. You’ll never achieve it … you can get closer to it, but that’s all about the journey. Trying and trying and trying … therein lies the challenge. You have total control over everything. That’s the beauty of the whole thing. Relax, and have fun with it. It’s better then anything else you can do right now. Better than reading, better than movies, better than games. It’s your own world. Go and create it. Inhabit it. Make it beautiful, and make it ugly … make it everywhere you want to go, and all the things you want to run away from. Pour yourself into it, and if you do that enough times, people will be drawn to it … it’s inevitable. People are drawn to passionate creations, especially readers. It’s what the human condition is all about. So, just be true to that, and spill your guts all over the keyboard as your writing, and it will lead you places you never dreamed you could go. Not just materialistically, but spiritually as well. Throw your self onto the page (screen?), and see what the rest of the world does. Some will stomp all over it, others will sing your praises. None of which really matters, as the writing is an exercise in and of itself. It is self expression, and creation at it’s purest. It’s the only real reason for being alive, and the one place, that you can never run out of elixir. Let it fuel you … let it make you a better person … let it fill you with hope and fear and wanting for more. What else can give you that sort of payback. It will fill your soul and your bank account. It’s what you need to be a more complete person. It’s what you’ve always needed, and the time has never been more right for someone like you to make that mark. Turn aside the spectors of fear that haunt, they have no place in your mind, and fill yourself up with what you need. Do the work … be the work, and live.
TIGERBLOOD: yep sure DAILYMOOD: hisitant LOCATION: home office WORDSWRITTEN: none PUSHUPS: 4:00 plank TODO: write, drive, cook, swim meet TV: Dear Mr. Waterson, Prophets of Science Fiction, Writers Room BOOK: It Starts With Food GAME: 2048 EXERCISE: none WEIGHT: 169 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: salmon patty, sweet potato SNACKS: grapes, cashews, 1 bite of pork ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 12:00 AWAKE: 6:45