Morning Pages Entry – March 01, 2014

I have calmed down a bit from the last few days of getting so crazy upset over mostly losing squash matches. Sometimes, things get takin a bit too seriously by yours truly. So, today I played Mark, and lost, and only got a bit irritated by the end of the match. I talked with Mark a bit about how to do the lineup. Mostly about my theory with Eric playing higher up. He seems to be the sort of player, that does better against better players, but struggles against players that are weaker and hit worse shots. It’s like, he can’t handle crap that comes down the middle of the court. So it may make more sense to have him play higher up against better players, and let Mark and I deal with the 3rd and 4th positions. I also feel, like I should be utilizing Devan better. It’s like, he’s a better player then he’s letting on. I’m going to try and get him to come out and play tomorrow with Mark and I, to see where he really ranks. I beat him the last time we played, but I’m not sure how well he’s playing today. Am also currently, trying to get everyone out this Thursday for a match against Kyles team. That would be a good little practice for us. Need to come up with some sort of prize for the night though. Just to make the competition a little more interesting for everyone. Make it count for something. That always brings out the fight in everyone a little more. So, enough about squash, I’ve spent enough energy on that topic for the time being. This weekend, has Ontario Provincials swim meet going on at the Aquatic Centre. At least we didn’t have to go all the way to Ottawa for it this year. Though, it was fun spending time with the Allards while Sam raced. I think got a bit of a kick out of it as well. Being around his old stomping grounds again. Although, I think Sam is feeling a little bumed out about not having a provincial time anymore. She’s swimming at this one, but if she doesn’t qualify again soon, this will be her last provincial ranking for a while. Not sure how I feel about that. I have definitely had my fair share of swimming pools. Enough to last a life time, but it’s a big deal to Sam, and a big part of her life. If she could learn to control what she eats more, then she would definitely do better I believe, but she seems to have the same eating issues that I ended up with. She eats emotionally, and eats, because it makes her feel better. Our brains are really screwed up that way. Food gives us pleasure. It’s really such a drug. If only, there was a way to turn off that “food pleasure center” in the brain, we would all be so much healthier. Food in reality, is really just food. It’s fuel for the body, the same as gasoline is fuel for the car. If we could just get past our emotional attachment to food, things would be so much easier. It’s definitely a evolutionary set back. I suppose, that at one point, in our evolution it made sense to feel good about eating certain foods, but we’re now passed that point. Especially, with all the technical skills we have for having any type of food we want, anytime we want it. Ah, whatever. How about a little though about the whole writing thing. I have a lot of negative connotations right now in my brain when it comes to writing. Again, here we are, with emotions reaking havoc on an otherwise very logical situation. If I just wrote and published, using my brain, I could be making a whack load of money. Instead, I get all these negative and defeatist ideas in my head, that won’t allow me to proceed. I’m basically, fighting against my own brain, to do the thing that I know is right. How crazy huh? Just do the work. Just write. If only I could block, all the worry and pressure from sneaking into the writing equation, my life would be a whole lot better. Part of me just needs to write, have fun with it, and not give a shit whether it makes any money or not. All that, while still knowing in the back of my head, that making money was the thing that got me into it in the first place.

LOCATION: home office WORDSWRITTEN: 0 PUSHUPS: 30 TODO: squash, swim meet timing TV: greys anatomy, dr who BOOK: none GAME: bit Runner 2 EXERCISE: none WEIGHT: 174 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: paleo pulled pork SNACKS: orange, apple ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 11:30 AWAKE: 6:00

 

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