Looks like, I’m about to put another full month of writing under my belt, which is sort of cool. This journaling has been my one bit of success these past few months, that I can be proud of. Certainly, I don’t always have a lot of great things to say, but at the very least I do sit down and do the work. Which, is more then I can say for my novel writing. But, the journaling is helping me deal with that, and seems to be pushing me in the right direction, when it comes to getting into the writing space. I found last week, then when I thought more of the fun benefits of writing, and approached the writing with a feeling that this was going to be fun, that I did much better with the writing. That I got more work done, and the work was better. Still plenty of room for improvement, but that’s to be expected for a first time novelist. And, even yesterday Saturday, for the first time on a weekend day, I put up a bunch 600+ words on my novel. I actually finished off the first scene. What was supposed to be my first scene, which currently sits at close to 7000 or more words. It’s in reality, a number of scenes, but ah well, I can work with that. It’s still a better intro to the story. Setting up Chaz’s character much better. I still have two more scenes outlined for the book intro, after that one. Here’s to hoping I don’t go over 5000 words in each of those. They were, only meant to be 1000 or maybe 2000 words scenes, but I guess, I don’t really have a good feel for how much writing an outlined scene is going to take. I must admit, that even though I did get some words done yesterday on the novel, that I’m feeling rather uneasy about the whole thing. The lack of funds continues to hang over my head, as it’s been quite a while (over a year), since I’ve made any money in the business. It’s certainly taking a toll on my emotionally, and it’s hard to be patient and get the writing done, when I really want to be making some sort of money and contributing to the mounting debt being incurred around here. Even a small token would go a long way to healing my self esteem and feelings of whether or not this would work. Fuck, even $500 per month would be something at this point. It’s a bit hard to swallow, when I know I was able to make that much and more in a day, when I was doing the link selling, but I really need to get over that feeling. Put the past in the past, and focus on getting the work done today. I’ve taken far far too long to get the amount writing done that I have in hand. I’m quite sure, that if I can get this first novel out, and then take a more structured approach to the next one and get writing it quicker, then I’ll be happier. I think, a little bit of success would help to feed bigger success in my future. At least I’d have something concrete out there. Something that I can show, and promote, and market to the world. Not having my first one out is painful. I suppose, writing a smaller work might have been better in the short term, but here’s to hoping that the longer work (currently over 200 pages) will have a better long term shelf life for me. I think, that I should be able to do 200 page works on a monthly basis in the future, once I get my process down. But, that’s yet to materialize for me. I really need to get this never ending first novel put to bed. That’s key to everything else. Sure, it’s difficult being in this position, and possibly one of the toughest spots I’ve ever been in. But, looking out there at the competition in the market, and seeing others have reasonable success with their work, I know it’s within my realm of abilities to be successful at this. I just need to focus, and try to enjoy getting the work done, without being stressed about all the potential outcomes. Negative or positive. Get the work done, and get the words out there, is the best thing you can do at the moment.

TIGERBLOOD: little maybe DAILYMOOD: happy – apprenhesive LOCATION: home office WORDSWRITTEN: 600+ PUSHUPS: 2:00 plank TODO: write, walk TV: American Hustle, Tomorrow People, Glee BOOK: none GAME: GTA5 EXERCISE: walking WEIGHT: 175 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: none SNACKS: orange, little mixed nuts ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 1:30 am AWAKE: 9:30