Morning Pages Entry – March 31, 2014

So, here we go, with the last day of March, and it looks like I’ve done another full calendar month of writing. Ah well . . . yawn yawn yawn. It’s getting so easy, it’s boring. If that’s not the power of habits, then, I don’t know what is. I can remember, the last time I started a new habit and stuck to it, for as long as I’ve stuck with this one. We’re up to 119 days, with todays writing, and it doesn’t really seem all that tough. I don’t dread it, I don’t fear it, and I don’t mind doing it. I know that it works. It makes me fell better, and I just get on with the task of doing it. Knowing, that it only takes me 15 minutes is part of the attraction as well. I think, that when I think of writing the novel, and know there are tens if not hundreds, or even thousands (if we’re talking a number of novels) to get the work done, then I get incredibly intimidated. That’s definitely a part of the thing that keeps me from writing. Getting caught up in the whole big picture of where you want to get to with the writing, and thinking you need to get a big chunk of it done in one day, or one week, or one month. Sure, that sounds totally illogical, and there’s no way I would think like that, but in reality, I actually do think that way. Maybe sub consiously, but I do think like that a part of the time. Fuck it, just have fun with it. Writing is fun. Making up shit is fun. Telling lies, and knowing that you can make a living doing it, is fun. The whole god damn thing is fun, if you just get your mind right, and think of it that way. Part of me feels guilty for having the fun, and that’s part of the problem as well. Well, stop doing that. Will you feel guilty, if you start making money at it? Would you feel guilty if you made a lot of money at it. Even if you made a little bit of money at it, you wouldn’t feel guilty. You actually feel guilty, when you get nothing done. When you get to the end of a day, and you have zero words written, then how do you feel? You feel like shit, don’t you? Yes, of course you do, but when you go and have fun, and do some writing, then you feel pretty awesome don’t you. Well, go have some fucking fun will you. Write some stories, make some lies up, and have a grand old time. Don’t worry about the money, don’t worry about what Karen thinks, don’t worry about getting to the boat, don’t worry about doing the taxes, don’t worry about getting the car looked at, don’t worry about a hundred of the other millions of things you should be doing. What you need to be doing, is writing shit. That’s really, the best solution your looking at these days to get to where you want to be. So, let’s do that. I do want to mention, one other thing here, which is that I’ve been eating clean here for over a month. Super clean that is, no sugar, and no processed foods what so ever. I did have one glass of wine the other day, but that was the only alcohol. I was hoping to lose about 10 pounds over those thirty days, but that never happened. I seemed to have stalled at around 175 pounds, which you can see in my journal meta data on these pages. I think, I was eating too much fruits, and probably too many nuts (omega 6) as well. So, for the next thirty days, I’m gonna tweak things a bit. I was eating like three bits of fruit a day for the last month or so. I’m going to cut back on that, and stick to two pieces. Orange with breakfast, and some grapes, or an apple later in the day. I was eating the grapes right after my big ass salad lunch. Which was not really necessary, as I was already pretty full from the salad. It was just a habit. So, I think I’ll hold off on the grapes till a little later. As well, I think the only nuts I will imbibe on will be the almonds that go into my salad. That should keep me pretty full. I want to get down under 160 pounds. That should probably take me another 60 days which would be April and May. We’ll see how that works out. That would be my first step to getting super strong for next years squash season. As I’m pretty much broken finishing off this season.

TIGERBLOOD: yep a little DAILYMOOD: happy LOCATION: living room WORDSWRITTEN: 0 PUSHUPS: 2:00 plank TODO: write, edit TV: smallville, tomorrow people BOOK: none GAME: GTA5 EXERCISE: walked for an hour WEIGHT: 175 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: sloppy joe sauce / ground beef SNACKS: orange, grapes ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 12:00 AWAKE: 7:30

 

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