I have to start of today, my second day of morning pages with the most bizarre dream I had last night. I suppose it’s not so much the dream I had, but the reaction I had to it. I dreamt that there was some kind of small animal under the sheets of my bed between Karen and I. I lept out of bed and dashed towards the light switch, and turned it on. Which prompted Karen to sit up in bed, and freaked her out a bit. I think, that by the time I reached the switch I was wide awake, but I’m not so sure that I was awake at all when I lept out of bed and moved towards the switch. I’ve never had a reaction like that before. I’ve had plenty of dreams about animals chasing me or coming after me. Usually dogs. I think, because as a small child I was chased by a big dog. But, usually when I have these dreams, I just make some very loud moaning noises as I’m trying to get away from the animal in my dreams. The noises usually wake up karen, who then wakes me up. Which is often the end of it. Never before have I physically reacted to the dreams. I have to wonder, if perhaps it has something to do with writing these morning pages, as yesterday was the first time I did such a thing. It would be a bizarre connection, but perhaps it has more to do with the wine I had late last night after squash league. Although I’ve done that before as well, and nothing like last nights dream happened before. Will have to wait and see how this all turns out. My squash team won in league last night, which always puts me in a good mood. I won my match as well. We’re currently in first place, 7 weeks into the season and have been there for most of the season. Doing well in squash league always makes me happy. Usually, it also keeps me awake on Thursday night long after I go to bed. Which, it didn’t seem to really do last night. Perhaps because we won, and everyone played well, but perhaps it has something to do with these morning pages. I seem to keep wanting to attributing changes in my life to the morning pages, but I likely haven’t been doing them long enough for that to happen. Of course, what I really want to have them do, is kick start my writing again. Or at least convince me that there is value in me becoming a writer. It seems almost strange to write that last sentence. As if telling myself that I’m a writer is too much for my own brain to believe. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be though, I mean writing is something that I’ve always enjoyed once I get going at end. Even writing simple business emails, that I send, I would often go back and read them over and over, getting some sort of happy reassurance that they were well done. Can you imagine, how I would feel about crafting a wonderful story that others enjoy. So many of the authors I read about on the KindleBoards forum say that feedback from readers is such a wonderful motivation for them to write their next stories. I would probably love that as well. They also say how crushing negative feedback is. I wonder how I would truly react to that. Part of me thinks I would just blow off the negative, that I’m not so sensitive that it would bother me. I do seem to be at a point in my life where I just don’t care about so many things. Both good and bad I think. I really wish I could care more about things. Like our whole money situation. I think if it bothered me more that somehow that would get my ass in gear and writing more. I mean it does bother me, but perhaps I’m just not at the point in life where money is a motivator. Although, I sure would like to have more. A nicer boat, pay off the mortgage, and be able to leave more money for the kids would be pretty awesome. Especially for Jessica, as who knows how her life will go once Karen and I are gone. Hopefully her sisters will continue to look out for her, and I think if there was a bunch of money left behind that would certainly be easier. It certainly would be great, if I could hit it big enough with the books to buy all the girls their first homes to start out. That would be such an amazing thing to get them started in life. It would make the last few years of financial challenges with my business worth it all.
LOCATION: Home Office TODO: Move some more sites, do 1000+ words for novel TV: Dr Who BOOK: none EXERCISE: squash WEIGHT: 183 lbs BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: none SNACKS: dark chocolate with almonds BEDTIME: 1 am ALCOHOL: 1 wine AWAKE: 8:30 am