Morning Pages Entry – December 06, 2013

Well, yesterday wasn’t a great day, but there were a few minor victories. Things that went wrong, included the blue box guys not taking all our recycleables because they were mixed paper and plastic. Then the purolator guy left a package with instructions to pick it up at the depot way across town. I ended up calling them to make a second attempt at delivery to my house, with a note saying it was ok to just leave the package. Then David our number 1 on the squash team sent me an email saying he was sick and wouldn’t be able to play. We were already missing our number 2 for the night, as Mark was still flying back from South Africa. We ended up losing the night, although Eric put on an impressive display beating Steve in 5 games, that included 2 pretty gutsy come from behinds in game 4 and game 5. Eric lost game 4, but managed to win game 5. It was an impressive win on a night that wasn’t going all that great for us. So, it spite of the team losing, I was still pretty happy. The night did eventually however take a turn for the worse, when I turned my ankle upon misjudging the steps leading out of the Fox & Fiddle bar last night. Couldn’t believe I did that, and I’d only had 1 drink. I just wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing. It doesn’t seem to bad, so hopefully I’ll be back in commission within the week or so. Gotta keep up my workout schedule, even if I’m not playing squash. Stay the course, keep eating healthy, and I should be able to continue with my weights workouts. The only ones that could be tough, are the leg exercises, but I think they should be ok. I ate pretty good again last night, and the weight seems to keep coming down a bit at a time. Of course, it would be nice to see it go faster, but do remember, that we’re on a long term plan to get in better shape. A little better every day. And keep throwing in those pushups daily whenever it seems appropriate. 20 pushups at a time till they get stupid easy. Then perhaps we’ll bump them up. Or make them harder by going slower. And of course, the other thing is to get writing some more. Even though things feel futile in that regard, it would be nice to do something that makes me feel good, and perhaps turn into a very lucrative career. Just I’m just a tiny fraction of that small pale blue dot, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have to give up on everything. I don’t know what it is about the writing thing, something about giving a physical presence (even if they’re in digital form) that makes them seem more real. Kind of like your own personal therapy. I had hoped, that I would be writing more on the novel by now, but that hasn’t quite happened yet. There’s still some fears there that I haven’t come to grips with. It’s a totally illogical fear, and perhaps it’s becoming too much of a habit and a crutch at the moment. I know, that if I just plow through and get things started that it will work. Just look how easy it is to to this writing. There’s no pressure that goes with it. No reason for self doubt. No worry about anyone ever reading this stuff. Is that what it is? A fear of what others will think of your work. Who cares, really, who gives a shit what they think. It’s a completely narcassistic exercise anyways. Really for my own benefit. And, yes, I’m going to produce some horrible drivel in the early days, but that’s all about the learning process. With different pen names, I can start over as many times as I need to. Just look at some of the crazy people, with not real inate talent, that make a go of it with sheer guts and determination. That’s what I need to find, an undefeatable desire to just keep pushing. I should write as tenaciously as Eric played squash against Steve last night. Never give up even when your beaten . . . refuse to acknoldge your beaten, even when everyone else in the room says and thinks your are. That’s that attitude. I used to have more of that attitude when I played squash, and I know that there’s still a glimmer of it inside me. I just need to bring it out before, and let it play in the real world.

LOCATION: home office TODO: 2000+ words TV: Dr Who, Glee BOOK: none GAME:none EXERCISE:squash WEIGHT: 179 lbs BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: none SNACKS: orange ALCOHOL: wine 1 glass BEDTIME: 12:30 am AWAKE: 8 am

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