Morning Pages Entry – February 27, 2014

Revitalizing is the keyword for today. I need to find a way to bring myself back into the role of a functioning human being. Enough of this negativity, and time to focus on the positive. Maybe Tony can help here. It’s definitely worth a try. Simple little things, or even complex things would be appropriate here to bring myself back from the dead. This whole feeling like giving up on the world has got to go. It’s just too hard to deal with, and not the person I want to me. I’m sure, that being buried under an avalanche of snow, hasn’t helped with the situation this winter, but I have gone through periods, of being incredibly happy and upbeat. Seems to me, that this happened last year as well. I need like a little series of things I can do to turn myself around. And I need to not deny myself those things. They need to be simple. Or at least they need to start simple, like that one motivational video I liked watching. The one with all the quotes about living and fighting for your dream. It’s times when that dream seems so far away, that makes it difficult. I need to just go through those little steps. Start with the video, then maybe throw in something physical, like doing some pushups, to actually maybe doing a crazy inspirational piece of writing or something that will get me going. The work needs to come as natural, as these morning pages. I’ve become incredibly commited to doing these. I’m currently on a 86 day streak, and showing no signs of stopping. I need for my novel writing to flow that way as well. I need it to be that habit forming. Today, Samantha is swimming in provincials over at the Canada Games Aquatic Centre. It’s Thursday, and she’s just doing her 200 breast, so we’ll see how that goes. I know she’s excite and nervous all at the same time. It would be good for her, if she can do a better time. She has been making an effort to eat better lately, and perhaps that’s coming from her motivation to do well at the provincials, but we’ll see how she eats after the event is over. I’m still sticking to my eating thing pretty well. I did have a cheat the other day, and ate a bunch of chocolate chips, as part of my slide into a depressing day, the next day. I would really, like to do more writing, and feel better about it, and get the story a little better organized. I think that organizing the scenes much better, will be a great exercise. Something that I can carry forward into the next novel. It sort of goes towards improving on your writing skills and my tool set. The better equipped I am, the better the next story will be. I do need to outline things a bit better I believe. That’s not to say I’ll be locked into a scripted version of the story. I think, there will always be room for innovation and new creative ideas along the way, but having a plot can only make that more likely. If I have a better sense of the story overall, but remain open and flexible, I can add new and interesting elements along the way to spice things up, and make them more fun for the reader. I actually told someone that I was trying to be a writer in person the other day. I had, actually told cousin Tim the other week, what I was up to, but never actually told anyone in person what I was doing. David from my squash team was sort of interested actually in what I was up to, and the whole writing side of things. He seemed actually genuinely interested in what I was up to. It would be really cool, to get this thing in motion. Part of it is believing. I never seem to believe in the work I’m doing. Even when I had a real job, and even when I was selling a ton of links and articles on my websites every day. I never really believed that the work would do anything. Even when I was selling over 10K per month with the links, I never really believed they would do anything. In that case, it didn’t matter, since if they didn’t work for the customers, it wasn’t my problem. There was a thousand things they could blame it on. Believing or not believing? Interesting problem ehh?

LOCATION: home office WORDSWRITTEN: 0 PUSHUPS: 0 TODO: watch sam swim, editing, squash league TV: greys anatomy BOOK: none GAME: enslaved – extra Piggy game EXERCISE: none WEIGHT: 174 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: singapore beef SNACKS: orange, grapes, apple, mixed nuts ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 1:45 AWAKE: 8 am

 

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