Morning Pages Entry – January 30, 2014

Well, yesterday was a bit of a hectic day, what with me thinking that my computer was dead in the water, and placed me in a rather annoyed position in terms of being productive for the day, but on the other side, got me a little bit excited about the thought of getting a new computer, which on the other side again had me concerned, since I’m currently generating no revenue and couldn’t really afford it, which on the other side again simply reinforced the idea that I need to be writing, but instead just moped around cursing my computer and wondering what I was going to do to get it fixed, which I ended up playing a bunch of games (Enslaved), while waiting for the damn thing to reboot, which of course it wasn’t going to do, or should I say had already done, but just couldn’t tell me about it, since in reality, the video card was totally dead, and no about of fiddling or blowing dust off of the card, or it’s heatsink, or it’s fan was going to do me any good, so I ended up spending 100 bucks on a new video card with a bunch more memory, that I’ll likely never use, since I never play game on my PC, but maybe now I have a good excuse to try playing more here (hello steam), since I now have 2gb of memory on the card instead of a measly 256 mb, ah well, the only reason I haven’t been playing games on my PC much, is that I associate it with work so much. Maybe, I really should buy myself a little laptop, that can hook into my two monitors and be portable enough to take with me to the boat, a true writing machine for a true artist and author, which is what I plan to be, if I can ever get my head out of my ass and start writing like my life depended on it, like every bit of soul and fibre in my being had a desire to throw words onto a page and make my life the glorious glory it deserves to be, instead of the hellishly hell spawn it currently is, and I know with every bit of fibre and soul in my body, that that is totally within my grasp, if I just let loose the very soul and emotion that has been bottled up within me after these long but oh so short 51 years of plodding around on this planet in this limited space of mostly Sarnia and London ontario, a view, which almost certainly needs to be blown up into epic proportions and to stop viewing the world through a lcd or handheld gorilla glass, but in truth needs to be seen, felt, smelt and appreciated in person on a scale that is unprecedented in the annals of history, or at least my history, if it is to mean anything to me in this my skewed view of reality, and it is writing, and only writing that can take me there, as I need to inhabit the bodies and worlds of my characters, much as I would expose myself to more of the world by really putting myself in those places, and making up for so much lost time, and just throwing myself into the roles of those people and fabricating a world so real, and true, and honest, and detailed, and creative, that no possible living soul on the planet would dare not to say they loved it, and were changed by the remarkable experience of having read one of my novels, and in turn feel that the world is a better place of having read it, which in turn would make one of my life goals of leaving this place better for the work I do a reality not only in my skewed perception of reality, but in the skewed perceptions of reality of hundreds or thousands, or millions of other lost souls searching for something better, something more fufilling, something more meaningful, and inspirational in the world that will lead them to in turn create something as engaging or more so that will inspire others, and to not be one of the millions that just gives up, and let’s the world and this reality have it’s way with you and your soul, and your desires, and your loves, and the people around you that just don’t know any better what to do with their lives.

LOCATION: home office WORDSWRITTEN: 339 PUSHUPS: 30 TODO: write, read, squash league TV: Greys Anatomy, Video Game High School BOOK: none GAME: Enslaved EXERCISE: none WEIGHT: 176 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: paleo pulled pork SNACKS: orange, apple ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 12 am AWAKE: 8:15 am

 

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