Morning Pages Entry – July 19, 2014

So, starting yesterday, I decided to make my morning pages public, by publishing them on my authors blog normanchristof.com. That’s an interesting idea I think, and one that could be helpful I suppose. I’m hoping, that it will generate a bit more traffic to my site, and as a result start to sell more books. By virtue of having more content on the site, it gives the search engines a reason to send visitors to my site, and when they’re there, it gives readers an opportunity to learn more about me, as a person. People want to know about the authors they read, especially, if they enjoy their work a little. It gives them a tiny bit of a connection to another person. And, ultimately, we are all about the connections that we form with one another. Or conversely, about the connections we fail to make or lose along the way. It’s what good writing is about as well. It’s all really I suppose all ultimately about searching for, making, maintaining, losing, and regaining those connections. Unless of course, your writing about a hermit like character, which I guess is still about connections, but about avoiding connections at all cost. Anyways, I suppose, we’ll see how that goes. I’m always a bit down, after a great family vacation when everyone leaves. Breaking of connections so to speak. I don’t think it hurts quite as much now that I’m older, but I do still feel it. I used to feel it a lot after Christmas when Ray and Joyce and the kids left. Now I still do, but I think, that emotions get a bit blunted with age, and maybe that’s why it’s not so bad. As I’m writing these pages, I’m finding my internal editor kicking in somewhat, with the thoughts that “hey your going to publish these later, so think about what your writing”. That’s a thought I definitely need to avoid. The whole premise of these pages, is to write unfiltered thoughts about whatever it is that comes into your head at the moment, without any fear of reprisal. You don’t want to lose that. It’s wht makes these things sane. There will be some pages I won’t publish because they are just too personal, but if the process of writing becomes too guarded, then I will stop publishing them altogether. This is a therapy session so to speak, between me, myself, and the written words. I don’t want to lose that. It is going to be interesting though, to also reread the pages I’ve written from almost nine months ago. I’ve never really gone back and read the pages, except maybe for the first one. And, now I’m going back and rereading each one before publishing them. That’s sort of a curious endeavour. A good one though I think. It sort of reminds me of feelings and experiences I went through along the way. Which, I do suppose have the potential to help me today. They were all honest and valid struggles and victories … many of which were never really resolved, they were just put out there. Sometimes, I think putting ideas, thoughts, or concerns to paper, is enough to deal with them. They may not be truly resolved or finished, but at least I seem at peace with them. And, going back and reviewing them now, gives me a chance to see how far I’ve come related to each issue … if I’ve moved at all. Who knows, maybe, I’ll be able to resolve those issues now. I’m always more optimistic about this stuff, as I start the day writing these pages. I need to find a way to carry that feeling throughout the day. A way to not get trodden down, by all the little niggly details that fill my head, and either distract me, or fill me with doubt about the things I really want to happen. Maybe I need a mantra or action to reinforce in my head the good feeling that I’m feeling now. There was a thing in the Tony Robbins tapes I did a while back, about doing some small physical action when you were in a good place. Something you could then do again, when you wanted those good feelings again. Like, reaching around, and patting yourself on the shoulder. Which I just did with my right hand to my left shoulder. I should institute that action again. Then, you can use it a various times during the day. Something to work on.

TIGERBLOOD: maybe DAILYMOOD: bit down LOCATION: bayfield marina WORDSWRITTEN: none PUSHUPS: none TODO: write, pump dinghy TV: none BOOK: none GAME: none EXERCISE: none WEIGHT: 170 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: left over chinese food DINNER: none SNACKS: orange, grapes, cherries, almonds, olives, 3 lara bars ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 12:30 AWAKE: 8:45

 

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