Morning Pages Entry – May 04, 2014

Well, maybe, today I will get out, and wax the boat. It’s supposed to be raining, but as I look out the window, the sun is shining. I haven’t checked the weather for Bayfield yet, but I’ll do that as soon as I finish this journal. This morning, I do feel a bit aprehensive about a few things. I think, it’s just the usual procrastinating about the boat thing going on. I’m just sitting here, and wondering, if I even cleaned the wax rags from last years waxing of the boat. It’s amazing, that I don’t think of that stuff till the very last second. And, my back feels a little sore this morning. I have been sitting too much doing work these days, that’s for sure. I do like working up stairs, but I don’t have a proper stand up desk for the laptop upstairs. I should look, and see if I can find something better. It wouldn’t be that hard to rig something up. Maybe, something I could take to the boat later. I think, I would worry so much less about things, if I knew, that the finances were taken better care of. Just, imagine, what it would feel like to wake up in the morning, and know, that you had no debt, and that there was extra money sitting in the bank. That would be nice. During the day, my brain seems to rationalize it’s way around the situation, but first thing in the morning, it’s more like my lizard brain is in high gear, and my rationale brain hasn’t kicked in yet. I do believe, that if I can just get this writing books thing into real production, and have a book coming out every month, that things will turn around in a big way. Like, a life changing sort of way. I really want that to happen. I’m just not good with distractions. Like have other things to do, like taxes, and boat maintenance. I have a hard time concentrating on those other things, when I do there’s one big thing (like publishing books and making money for instance) that needs to be worked on. It’s really a problem. I need for all that little shit to go away. All those little nagging things that persist through life. Things need to be simpler. Simpler and richer. And with more freedom. There’s really, just too much stuff in my life. That’s the problem. Too many annoying things. Too many responsibilities. It just never ends. Does it? Imagine, just being able to get up in the morning, with nothing to worry about. No financial problems, no house problems, no boat problems, no relationship problems, just simple shit. Every day, you can get up and do whatever you want, whenever you want. Imagine, if all you had to do was get up and write every day. Say write for half the day, then go and do whatever. With, nothing else to worry about. Nothing else eating at you. Can the money get you to that situation? I don’t know. It would probably get you closer. But, then, won’t you just want to get the rest of the way. Then, what do you fix? Relationships? Money can’t fix that. Health? That’s actually in pretty good condition at the moment. It’s still got about 15 pounds to go. Then how close to perfect would that be. These last 15 is a damn bitch. I really seem to be stuck at the 170 mark. That needs to move. Maybe getting out to the boat this summer will help. Not sure. You can get out, and do more walking. The food thing, likely won’t change much. I don’t know, if it will be harder or easier, to lose that next 15. The first 8 or 9 didn’t seem so bad over December, but the rest is being a major pain. And, I’ve been really good eating wise, in terms of junk food. I haven’t eaten any in over two months. You’d think, that would be enough to drop the weight. Which it has a bit, but so damn slowly. Just keep sticking to the plan, and staying the course I suppose. We’ll get there. Well, this has been a bit of a rambling writing session. Just feeling a bit unsettled this morning. I don’t like having a lot of things I’m supposed to be doing all jumping around inside my head. I need to purge a bunch of them. Well, maybe, I will get the boat waxed today. Let’s go check the weather.

TIGERBLOOD: a bit DAILYMOOD: good LOCATION: living room WORDSWRITTEN: none PUSHUPS: none TODO: wax boat TV: Delivery Man movie, orphan black BOOK: none GAME: Batman Arkham City EXERCISE: none WEIGHT: 170 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: big ass salad DINNER: chicken tuscan salad (East Side Marios) SNACKS: orange, apple, grapes, almond butter ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 10 & 11:45 AWAKE: 7:30

 

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