Tag Archives: inner critic

Morning Pages Entry – July 28, 2014

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So, can you do it? Here you are, up at the boat for a week all on your own. Nobody else’s demands, nobody needing you to cook, or clean, or do things on their schedule. Not other responsibilities, but yourself and your work. Can you do it? Do what you may ask? Why of course, can you write your ass of, and have a good time doing it. That’s the real question, and not the question I was just asking before I started to write that sentence. The question I was thinking when I started that sentence, was can you write like 10k words or some big number per day? And, if I really start to think along the lines of “write for love”, then the better question is the one I actually wrote … can you write your ass off and have a good time doing it. I really do enjoy writing on my own. For me, writing does seem to be a deeply personal thing. Something I do my best, when there is no one else around to bug the hell out of me. When, there’s no one else to pester me, or look at me, or ask me questions, or do whatever. For me, I think, that writing is a deeply personal and private affair. Of course, once the writing is done, then I want it to be in the hands of every damn person on the planet, but the process of creative creation, I think is a seriously personal and private one for me. Just having someone else in the building is incredibly distracting … at least, that’s the theory I have going on in my head at the moment, and, it’s one I think, that has some merit. So, it’s just a theory. A theory that needs pursuing … that needs proving actually. Can you write your ass of this week, and have a good time doing it. Can you get yourself back on schedule and get a shit load of stuff done. And still enjoy it. You should be able to … I hope. Now, there goes that damn inner critic barking his head off at me about stupid shit again. I need to silence that bastard, and every other bastard around me. Oh, and yes, I do need to do that one thing, and send Pat Lozon some info on getting started with writing on Kindle. We got talking about it the other day at the CPA reunion party, and it was kind of cool. He was pretty interested in submitting his books. I knew he had books written. He’d written a big one a few years ago, that I had read, but of course going the traditional publishing route, he was getting no love from the big publishers. So, he’s really, another perfect candidate for this sort of work. We got talking a bit, and he was pretty excited about it. So, today, send him off some stuff about the writing, and see if he can get going. I think, his book was big enough to break down into a series and set the first one to free. That would be pretty cool, if he could start to make a go of it. Now, back to you … let’s see this week, if we can really fall in love with the art of writing, and make something good to put out there for your readers all at the same time. I know, that my first attempt here may not be Stephen King kind of stuff, but there’s no reason, it shouldn’t start making a few bucks for you. At least, enough to buy yourself a better laptop to work on. This old one is doing some strange shit. It actually ran a chkdsk when I booted it up this morning. Not something I was too pleased about. So, you should get your ass and gear, and get your happy writing pants on, and make a masterpiece. Writing 10K today, would be pretty cool … and even cooler, if you could do a 10K every day for the next bunch of days. 50K in a week would be fucking remarkable. I would love to see that happen. I was testing the battery on the boat this morning, my new volt meter, and both batteries read fully charged. Not sure what that is about. I’ve got the battery charger off now, and waiting to see which one dissipates faster. This could be a good little interesting test, to see what happens. They were both are 13v without the charger on, and when I put the charger on they were around 13.3v. Interesting.

TIGERBLOOD: some DAILYMOOD: ok LOCATION: bayfield boat WORDSWRITTEN: 0 PUSHUPS: 4:00 wall sit TODO: write, email Pat, fix a few boat things TV: none BOOK: none GAME: none EXERCISE: none WEIGHT: 170 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: none DINNER: steak, brussel sprouts SNACKS: 2 orange, grapes, almonds ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 3:00 AWAKE: 9:00

 

Morning Pages Entry – July 23, 2014

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I’m late writing these words today, as I was trying to put them off, until I did some novel writing. But, it’s been a horribly depressing day. I really don’t understand, why I get this way sometimes, but at the moment I’m horribly stuck in a bad habit of not wanting to write a single word, and I can’t seem to get past it. All my inner critics are screaming at full volume, and there seems like nothing I can do to overcome them. On one hand, I put too much pressure on myself to get some writing done. I keep vascilating between fear of failure and fear of success. Of thinking, that nothing I could possibly write would be any good, and then thinking that it doesn’t matter what I write, just put some damn thing down on paper, but not even having the courage to do that. I’ve tried rationalizing with myself from every which way to Sunday, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. It’s like I’m petrified … frozen in stone, with no which way to turn. No possible action can make a difference, so I do nothing. I need to break out of this … it’s incredibly demoralizing. If I could just bring myself to write something in the novel … anything. Even a hundred words, would work. It would be something. Something to move things along, instead of being so damn pessimestic about the whole mess. I just need to get this third novel out there, and start doing some promoting. Nothing else matters. All the other stupid shit, that you let fill your brain, needs to be purged. I wish I could forget it all. I wish I could just wipe huge chunks of stupid shit out of my head, and only leave the good stuff. Focus on what you need to do for your own welfare. Maybe, it was not writing the morning pages, that sent me into this funk … I don’t know. These words are so easy to write … to myself … about myself. I need to work more of that into the story. Any story. Stop being so pessimistic about everything … it doesn’t help. You know, that if you can just get a thousand words onto the page, that you will feel better. So just fuck it … throw caution to the wind, and write some words. They seem like such a huge barrier to overcome … like a damn mountain. But they’re not. They’re just words. Words, like the ones I’m throwing down now. Writing anything even if it’s awful would be better, then writing nothing. You can always come back to it later and make things better. It’s only a rough draft. It doesn’t need to be perfect or good, or even medicore. Just move the story along. For you own sanity, move the story along. Then longer it takes for you to do it, the harder it will get. So, after I write this journal entry, I’m going to force myself to write write write. Until I get to at least 1000 words … maybe 1250. That would be even better. Just write some damn piece of fiction. Make it horrible, make it great, make it funny, or make it sad. Just whatever you do, put the damn words onto the page. It’s not a big deal, and you can do it over and over again. Start at the beginning of the scene and put it onto the page … it’s fucking simple. It’s like I’m trying to convince about the whole thing here. It’s all true I know, I just need to summon up the courage and creativity to do it. Put the fingers on the keyboard, and create. It’s not rocket science … your good at it. When I go back and read some of my stuff, it does seem good. Not all of it, but some of it does seem to have promise, and when I do that, it makes it seem harder now. Harder to write the next piece. Will the next piece be better, or worse. Probably both. They both need to happen. You need to learn, you need to practice. You need to get through the crappy stuff, so you can get to the good stuff. It’s a process, and you can do it. You have to do it. You need to push on through. Just write the next scene, and see what happens. The words will breed new words, and it’s a hurdle you need to go through, so damn it, just do it.

TIGERBLOOD: who knows DAILYMOOD: lost LOCATION: bayfield boat WORDSWRITTEN: none PUSHUPS: some wall sit TODO: write TV: friday night lights episode 1 BOOK: none GAME: none EXERCISE: walk, sailing WEIGHT: 170 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: none DINNER: chicken, SNACKS: orange, apple, grapes, 2 lara bars, 1 naked bar ALCOHOL: none BEDTIME: 12:00 AWAKE: 3am & 9am