I need a trigger. I’m sitting here thinking about how I often feel in the morning, like I have this multitude of words sitting inside of me, waiting to explode and not quite sure of how to put them onto paper, or the screen, and then by sometime afternoon or late in the morning the feeling dissipates. Other thoughts and worries about the world fill my head, and I can’t be focused enough to put things onto paper that I should. I’m pushing close to 365 days (and almost 200K words) with my morning journals, which I have no problem sitting down to write, and wondering what’s the difference. The difference, is that I know, no one will ever read these words … or at least, it’s very unlikely that anyone will ever read these words. So, I suppose that the biggest thing holding me back from having 200K words written for my novels, is that I worry too much about what others will think of my writing … will it be good enough? And, the fact is, that it will never be good enough. There will always be something that needs improvement. The thing is, (and you’ve heard this a hundred times), is that everytime you write something, you get a little bit better at it. Although, I’m not sure, that writing my morning journals, makes me a better novel writer … although indirectly it does. It is definitely a different sort of writing. Novel writing follows a different form, and you are trying to get to a specific place. With the morning journals, you have a rather non descript place to be. You just want to write something mildly interesting, that occurs in your head at that given point in time. Nothing more, nothing less. I do have to figure out this morning, what to do with my dinghy while I’m gone. It seems to be holding air, slightly better then it was before, so that’s a good thing. I do need also to return that glue that I bought from Rons marine shop. It’s not really what I need. See, there I go, diverting my brain into a bunch of stuff, that really has nothing to do with writing, when I should be focusing on the writing and how to do more of it, and to make it better. I do really feel, like I have a ton of words inside of me that need to get out, but then ironically at the same time, I feel at a loss of the right words to put those feelings onto the page. How, do I get to that place. That place, where I feel totally free to just put onto paper, whatever I want to put, and be done with it. I think, perhaps, that making these journal pages (with some editing) public on my blog would be a good place to start. That might be an interesting exercise, in seeing what sort of traffic they generate as well. Your blog is setup, to promote your books, so it could be interesting to see what kind of traffic you generate to your blog with all these notes. I mean, I am pretty much up to almost 200K words, and like 225 or more entries. Those could make for some interesting blog enteries. I should, just put them all out there. It would be a good exercise. Sort of a “Writers Journey” to getting their first book published. Who knows what in there people might find interesting. You could, even end up with some interesting dialogues in the comment sections of your blogs about stuff rattling around in your head. It would probably, even be interesting for you to go back to your earlier entries, and reread while your editing them to see what was going on in your head at the time. Ahhh … just do it … it would be a cool thing to do. You should. You really should do it. What’s the worst thing that could come of it. Your going to edit out any really nasty stuff as you go along anyways. So, why not. Being an artist, is about exposing your emotions, and feelings to the world isn’t it? Or at the very least being expressive. So what the hell. You only go around once, and you may even get a bit of a following for the words you throw out there. Maybe, your the real story in all of this. The honest journey of an author.
TIGERBLOOD: maybe DAILYMOOD: good … cold LOCATION: bayfield boat WORDSWRITTEN: none PUSHUPS: none TODO: go home, store dinghy, read, write TV: none BOOK: none GAME: none EXERCISE: walk beach with mom WEIGHT: 170 BREAKFAST: bacon & eggs LUNCH: nuts DINNER: fish, ham, salad SNACKS: lara bar, 2 naked bars ALCOHOL: 2 gin and tonics BEDTIME: 1:000 AWAKE: 8:00